So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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