best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize