im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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