There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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