Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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