My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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