It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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