just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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