he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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