Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
