I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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