Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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