Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
