I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
