I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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