Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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