Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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