watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
