There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
