this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
