How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize