I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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