tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
