I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My cat gives me a boner
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my being single is dangerous.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
