So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
