I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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