Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
there is glitter all over my balls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
