Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
