you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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