Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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