I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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