Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize