I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
