Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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