I think im going to throw up on grandma
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
