found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
