..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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