he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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