We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
