oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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