Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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