I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
