Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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