Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
