All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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