I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My balls are so social today.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
