have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
