Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
