fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
