yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
