Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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