Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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