she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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