gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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