Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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