She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
