White coat. Heels.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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