only if we run a train.
done.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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