: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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