So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
