She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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