You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
