i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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