DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
