my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
