Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
