i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
