Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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