I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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