I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
